As long as we stay silent, women carry the costs alone

When the body quietly changes the rules

At some point—often in the early to mid-40s, sometimes earlier—many women enter a phase in which the body quietly changes the rules. Not overnight. Not dramatically. More gradually. And almost always without a shared language for what is happening. Perimenopause describes this transitional phase, when hormones become less predictable. Menopause itself is a single point in time: the last menstrual period, identified only in retrospect. What follows is postmenopause. Medically well defined—socially largely overlooked.

What is happening biologically

What is happening is not mysterious. Estrogen and progesterone fluctuate. These hormones regulate far more than the menstrual cycle: sleep, stress response, mood, concentration, physical resilience. When they become unstable, many women do as well.Restless sleep, hot flashes, irritability, brain fog, faster exhaustion, thinner nerves. Not for everyone. Not all at once. But often enough that it should not be dismissed as “just how you feel.”

Subtle consequences in everyday life

And yet, that is exactly what happens. In everyday life, the effects tend to be subtle. At work, multitasking suddenly requires far more effort. The so-called “extra mile” feels disproportionately costly. Mistakes under pressure increase—not due to lack of competence, but because stress processing has changed. At home, tolerance for constant demands drops, conflicts escalate more quickly, withdrawal becomes a necessary form of self-protection. The body reprioritizes—while the environment often expects everything to continue as before.

Why this is not just an individual issue

This is not only an individual issue. It is a structural one. As long as hormonal transitions are treated as a private matter, women absorb the adjustment costs alone: through self-doubt, over-adaptation, exhaustion, or quiet withdrawal.This is not a decline in performance and not a personal failure. It is a neurohormonal reality.

What actually helps

1. Naming what is happening. Knowledge has a measurable relieving effect.

2. Serious self-care—not the aesthetic version. Sleep, movement, and recovery are prerequisites for stability.

3. Medical evaluation when symptoms are significant, including a clear-eyed assessment of whether hormone therapy might be appropriate. No ideology—individual risk–benefit analysis.

4. Psychological support or coaching to recalibrate expectations, both one’s own and those of others.

The role of the environment

Supporting does not mean diagnosing or fixing. It means less judgment and more trust. Less “you’re overreacting,” more “what would actually help you?”. At work, flexibility, clear priorities, and outcome-focused thinking can make a substantial difference. In private life, practical relief is often more useful than well-meant advice.

Questions for self-reflection

This phase calls for self-leadership—not through more discipline, but through clearer boundaries.

• Where do I notice most clearly that my capacity has changed?

• Which demands do I maintain out of habit rather than necessity?

• Where do I override physical or emotional signals in order to keep functioning?

• What would realistically reduce my daily load by 10–20%?

• What support am I not asking for—and what do I fear would happen if I did?

Perimenopause and menopause are developmental phases with tangible effects on energy, resilience, and self-regulation. They do not require optimization, but adjustment. Understanding what is changing allows for more deliberate decisions—about pace, priorities, and limits. That reduces friction, both internally and in interaction with others.