Learning to Let Go – Why It’s So Hard and How to Make It Easier
- Simone
- Sep 9, 2025
- 2 min read
“Letting go” sounds simple, but in practice it can feel like trying to hold on to a wet balloon: the tighter you squeeze, the quicker it slips away. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, children leaving home, a breakup, or friendships that drift apart—life keeps giving us opportunities to let go. The tricky part is that most of us never got a manual for it.
Why letting go feels so difficult
Not being able to let go isn’t about stubbornness; it’s about deeply human patterns:
The need for security: Our brain is wired for stability. Change signals uncertainty, and the nervous system naturally resists.
Attachment: According to attachment theory (Bowlby, 1969), close relationships are vital for survival. No wonder separation or loss can feel like a crisis.
Identity: Sometimes we’re not only attached to people, but also to the role we played with them. Who am I if I’m no longer a full-time parent? Or if I’m no longer someone’s best friend?
The many faces of letting go
Loss and death: Saying goodbye to something irreversible. Grief is not a “problem” to fix but a natural process. Research shows it often comes in waves and can take years.
Children leaving the nest: The infamous “empty nest” stage. Letting go here means redefining your role—not as protector, but as supporter.
Breakups: Letting go is twice as hard because we lose both the person and the shared vision of the future.
Friendships changing: Some relationships naturally fade. Accepting that not everyone is meant to stay forever is part of growing up.
Practices that make letting go easier
Acceptance over resistanceAcceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) research shows that allowing emotions instead of fighting them reduces suffering. Grief, anger, or disappointment have their place—and they do pass.
Create ritualsWrite an unsent letter. Burn old notes. Rituals give the mind a clear marker that something has ended.
Engage the bodyBreathing exercises, yoga, or exercise aren’t just “self-care.” They help the body release stress and shift out of clinging mode.
Fill the space with something newLetting go doesn’t mean being left with a void. It creates room. Resilience research (Bonanno, 2004) shows that people who actively create new routines, hobbies, or connections cope better with loss.
Watch your thoughtsIf you tend to get caught in mental loops, mindfulness practices (Kabat-Zinn, 1990) teach you to notice thoughts as passing clouds—not ultimate truths.
What holding on really means
Clinging often signals fear: fear of emptiness, of losing meaning, of the unknown. Recognizing that makes it easier to address the deeper issue. Letting go doesn’t mean erasing the past—it means accepting that it no longer defines the present.
Letting go isn’t a one-time heroic act, but an ongoing process—sometimes clumsy, sometimes graceful. The better we understand why it’s hard, the kinder we can be to ourselves along the way. And maybe that’s the real beginning of letting go: realizing that nothing can and has to be forced.
